, Thank you.. i saved this for my son when he is in his teenage years.. i tell him some of the points already.. so thank you for sharing, No problem. Like you said, it’s the strongest under girding for our beloved spectrum kids and for anyone who struggles. My twin niece and nephew are four they have both been diagnosed autistic, how do I treat them, I mean how would they want to be treated, normal, special I’m at a loss. So they do, in fact, struggle – and will tell you that X is the reason why. So much of this needs to be said and loudly, if more people started shouting this then many many teenagers would be much better armed for the onslaught to come, what a wonderful thing you are doing . We are actually headed out for additional assessments today. Ha! Thanks for the comment. That’s quite some compliment! Thank you I’m going to show him once we get diagnosis. I’m actually planning a blog post on when to tell a child about being on the spectrum. She was made available on Season 2 and can be unlocked by using digital currency: pay 12,000 or 750; or by buying the Champion Edition. Use key words that are specific to the situation. I loved this article This meant I was the only one in the team allowed to use my hands, and I was expected to use them. This learning disability impacts a child’s ability to write and spell without affecting their reading ability. I find it difficult that you would title this article as you have. Anita is herself an adult living with Asperger disorder who did not receive her diagnosis until she was 50 years old. I am the mother of an aspergerian son who is 12 . Especially number 6 and 10. Truly don’t care, to be honest. You may have noticed, a few of these tips are about doing things your way and not everybody else’s. I’d say use clear and specific words- they’ll most likely understand more than they appear too, although it will most likely take them a little longer for your words to register. What a wise soul you are. Take care, A co-worker’s son had gotten diagnosed, and it was that event where Anita discovered she’s autistic, in 2011. Ouch, that hurt to read. As you I hope those gentle pep talks stick somewhere and help. And thanks a lot for the compliments! They might as well no longer exist. Aren’t we an interesting people? Thanks so much for sharing. I’m currently in the process of gathering questions to ask my family about symptoms I may have had as a child. I absolutely pull up all the stops and become a positive upbeat optimistic person and I’m grateful for that because, I can’t imagine struggling with all this I’m not being able to see the perspective in it for your son…. thank you for sharing you could you come please move next door so she can come and get your perspective everyday. , Excellent, I have two sons with Asperger syndrome. So much for lack of empathy! I’ll email printable copies of both articles to the email address you used to leave the comment. This info helped me greatly. Wow, that last sentence is quite an amazing compliment! There is a huge and important difference between being loved, and knowing that you’re loved. Thank you very very much! If you’re not British then someone else can help you far better than me. Just because I can be smart at times, it doesn’t mean I don’t need obvious things spelling out to me sometimes. Read more…. I especially needed your point that it’s better to be happy than normal. jodi@thebatchelors.ca. I wrote this thinking about how much of it applies to non-autistic teens too. We love our son with all our hearts and he is a loving boy. I appreciate how you talked about taking responsibility to get help with autism. , Thankyou so much for this, I’m reading with tears streaming down my cheeks. Most importantly, he is still quite different, unique, and VERY quirky… but he is happy! Thanks for reading! My only problem is the use of the word “autistic” because the autism community in general, at least here in the States, has been trying to get rid of that word for many years. I really really hope to do so one day. I am going to advise my girl to read this. However, now we have a really great attitude. Any advice you could give me would be awesome. Thanks…. Then do a job that only organised people can do. It’s so much better when someone who cares about you can do it in a good way. , I shared this as a column EVERYONE of EVERY age should read as it does apply to all very well. Those examples weren’t faecetious. I feel it covers the ‘If’ poem in better detail and without all the idioms which I tried to read to my son recently. And I’m glad you’re telling him how much it’s his personality that defines him rather than academia (and this coming from an ex-teacher ). Also, so much focus is on autistic children, it is easy to forget that there are millions of autistic adults out there in the world. . Also questions to ask the few friends I was close with, my ex husband and employers. No matter what journey we take in life, I think, we always find our someone, inside and out. I’m grateful I am that way because of my son and I’m grateful you are just as much of a cheerleader for your son , for the same reasons. * oops, forgot my footnote. , As for being an enabler, I’d think about it case-by-case. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders 44(1), pp. I know that right now he struggles with socializing. I think it applies to ( normal) people as well Tips on how to take the perfect measurements . Thanks in advance, Email sent (to the address you left this comment with). I am realizing that he needs far more help at this point in his life then other children his age and the struggles he has with organizing academically and navigating to the socially. If you don’t want to expound on this, that’s okay… That’s my biggest concern about my speculation that he is somewhere in this mix of spectrum stuff… I’m super concerned for his self-esteem and self-worth…because he often takes responsibility for own circumstances way farther than any person would and I usually have to explain to him why he’s not responsible for every single thing and other people’s feelings….has lots of unnecessary guilt that are not his responsibility, and it just amplified the fact of his extremely high self expectations of and overly self-critical. But he gets back in there every day and goes for it. We are at our wits end and just don’t know how to help him. Thank you for this article I’m Aspie, but wasn’t diagnosed until I was about 40 … And boy did high school suck. I know very little about autism and this article helped me very much. It took her a little longer, but she did it. XD Ah well, I’m only ever an internet away. Then you share a country with 700,000 other people on the spectrum.). Sheiling School is an independent school and children’s home for children and young people aged 6-19 with special educational needs. There were mild LD’s that came out from this and that is what we have focused on. If you wrote a book on this, you know I’d be all over that like sugar to bees. I am just starting out my journey with my 11 year old son, who calls himself weird. (If you have a diagnosis such as autism or Asperger’s they might even see you as a priority.) Come to think of it, the reason it surprises me is because it’s so rare I talk to “autism parents” who have teenagers who never needed to know- so it can only be a good thing that he’s reached 14 without getting the kind of anxieties that a lot of us do! My son, 7, is in the process of being diagnosed. Thank you so much for this. You either are or are not Âûtistic. He is very knowledgeable, but about things and games, but his father refuses to play with him,so I do. I wish I had told him sooner. At age eight, it is tricky for Jacks to verbalise this. In my experience it’s a case of meeting us halfway- allowing us to be ourselves, but in a framework of expectations that doesn’t let us fall into the trap of thinking the rules don’t apply to us. If you are trying to hurry the ASD patient by saying “Step on it!”, don’t be surprised if they ask what do you want them to step on. Simplify your sentences and be straight-to-the-point. This is absolutely brilliant, I enjoyed reading every bit of it! She had a huge group of friends when she was little but has gradually become more and more isolated. I think, in my very limited knowledge of the subject, that the show does a very good and accurate portrayal of this personality. It’s not always easy I know. Carole, People can easily forget (or not realise in the first place) that behaviour is communication. Chris. They then take the child for hearing testing, only to learn there is no hearing deficit. I’ve felt defective my whole life. You’re not alone in feeling that way. According to the National Institutes of Health: "A gene is the basic physical and functional unit of heredity.Genes, which are made up of DNA, act as instructions to make molecules called proteins.In humans, genes vary in size from a few hundred DNA bases to more than two million bases. I think every person is unique and may have something they are dealing with that no one else is aware of. “I can’t do ‘this’ because I have Asp” or “I’m lousy at ‘that’ because of my Asp”). Definitely a journey for both of us. . 0-0 with five minutes to go. You are right in that people don’t appreciate the unseen struggles of those who are ‘mild’ on the spectrum and that this is also true for a lot of problems people have in life, including mental illness. Also, it was NOT an excuse ever. Boy was I ever afraid to ask for help. Though it still weird to know other people don’t think in picture like I do. Fear of being blamed, not being believed, you name it. Welcome to the spectrum! First, as a parent, I want to thank you for writing this article. Through the discussion with the doc, I suspect I am as well. Now they know they are ‘on the spectrum’, and embrace it. Advocate for his right to a safe place and protection from being bullied. Thank you. I’m very glad he knows he is loved, first and foremost. This sounds silly, I’m sure, but we were binge watching Parenthood, and I started to see quite a lot of similarities in Max’s behavior to my daughters. The parents (Steve Martin, Mary Steenburgen), weren’t sure what it was. I really hope he got something from it. Thanks a lot for your comments on both articles- oddly enough, I was about to recommend “I just found out I’m autistic” as a suitable article for him, but it looks like you already found it! But we’re not. Thank you so much for writing this. P.S. As he got to 1st or 2nd grade, it was because we didn’t want him to think he had a “label” attached to him. , Haha, a “wise soul” isn’t something I get called often. We’re trying to embrace this as a family and encourage her to feel proud of who she is. Association between obesity and depressive disorder in adolescents at high risk for depression. I plan to discuss this with him and place a copy in his room. WE HAVE THE POWER. Made sense to him. Definitely will show my 12 year old son and a lot of my young clients. Your words have been a comfort to me tonight and I know will be a comfort to my son one day soon. To lift him up when he can’t do it for himself… Or to make him feel helpful or have perspective, when he struggling. And just my 2 cents’ worth: I’d say being “slightly odd” at 10 is the very definition of “normal”. If she tries to tune out all the background noise she also tunes out the person on the phone. . Find the places where you can play to your strengths. Indicators is a nice word- my personal favourite is “traits”. . Both going threw some hard times at the moment with transition into seniors, I think this will help him ( I hope so). Many of my friends have no idea I’m on the spectrum , but now I feel much better about talking to them about it . The word “autism” has its origin in the Greek word “autos,” which means self. While not an Aspie myself I married an Awesome one and together we produced an #Aspiesuperhero who’s just turned 8 and I identify as Neuro Divergent and just a bit weird lol. You always need to say exactly what you mean. Asperger’s has always existed, it’s only diagnosis that’s new! But back to grade three I go. But nowadays there’s plenty of support for adults who struggle with these. We are living thru much of what your family must have gone thru. My son was diagnosed as a senior in high school. I want nothing more than her happiness and I think I have seen her more happy this year than ever before. I did not skip any parts and thank you for sharing your thoughts. Learn techniques for helping those with autism, hear from experts, & stay on top of latest research developments. That’s important, not conveying a “we love you anyway” tone, I think.”, That is so, so important. . We take away his computer/TV, even his phone, when he doesn’t do these basics but he just seems to accept that! If possible, use simple gestures and visual supports- Visual supports would include pictures showing a procedure like taking a blood pressure, or a doctor listening to a patient’s lungs with a stethoscope. . Ekta Kapoor - Instagram. Hopefully, this article will help you be prepared to handle the situation. . Also very glad that, despite the bullying, they’re in a school environment that understands their needs. I can deal with being a follower, or striking out strictly on my own terms, but don’t put me in charge. xx. At 6, it was a palaeontologist. Thanks very much for the compliments, and I’m glad the articles have helped your daughters! Then do a job that only patient people can do. I know it’s a cliché to say that a dash of autism is actually really useful in some jobs, but it’s absolutely true! That comment really warmed me. My son is 7 and has Asperger’s, so the teen years still lie ahead of us, and of course there are worries. I’ll leave a list for you at the end. If you need advice in this area, you can find the article here: 8 Tips for Coping with Bullying (Again, opens in new window). Another autistic teacher! Chris. New, regularly admitted, degree-seeking students who are serving, or have served, in the U.S. armed forces (includes reserves and National Guard). The 42-year-old star has revealed her 18-year-old son - who has Prader–Willi syndrome, septo-optic dysplasia, ADHD and is also on the autistic spectrum - is "home safe and well" after he was rushed to hospital after a bad reaction to the vaccine, which he was given on Friday. Healthcare providers never know when they will have an autistic patient. I am going to let him read this article. Oh, I’m so sorry.” What to say (and NOT say) to autistic people. Funny, insightful and honest! http://autisticnotweird.com/growing-up-autistic-advice-for-teenagers-with-asperger-syndrome-or-mild-autism/. Great write up, great list! How would I feel if most of the people I was exposed to didn’t understand me? You are a beautiful human. As a matter of fact I would love to read more from you. If the patient has only recently begun to use words, you might only be able to use single words. Once I get the questions back, I’m going to find a Neurologist that deals with adults. Not that I wanted those things but would be nice to know there is a willingness to understand. I like your writing a lot. He’s been having a hard time keeping a connection with his friends and I believe is starting to feel left out. After failing his A-levels he successfully finished a Science college course last August, but since then has been crippled by anxiety. This has really open my eyes and I will really take it and use it in my approach with my client. It took a while to figure out what some of my problems were and now I just have to find a job where I am accepted. Thanks a lot for the comment- glad it’s helped! It means a lot. At 11, it was a pilot. I’m may touch base with you again in the future. He is pretty much the happiest, most grateful kid I know. Please, can you or anyone else recommend someone or something that could help? He is on the bowling team. Fairly certain we actually had a wall-mountable tray-organiser thing for them, in fact. As for which services are out there, depends where you’re from. It’s an important part of being at peace with yourself. Sometimes doing things for your husband will be a genuine help that he needs. Sue Swezey, 83, has spent the last three weeks at home caring for her son John, who is 57 and severely autistic. Thanks for the message. Meanwhile, I have also met mildly autistic teenagers who have attempted to take their own lives due to very-nearly-but-not-quite fitting in throughout their whole lives. If you ever want to talk more here’s my email. I will read this article to him and see what he says. Kids are just strange lil being! I guess I can correct myself by saying he is in the spectrum now or has high functioning autism. I did make the mistake of allowing the two identities to be connected on some older, mostly closed down web services, and using it as my primary email when talking to a select few friends, but those slips are so many years in the past that I’d be stunned if anyone outside of that list (none of whom are likely to randomly cross THIS path) would work it out. Thanks very much, and I’m glad it’s helped you. I really love the point you made that if more people were Aspies and less non Aspies, we would be the one classed as having a problem. You might need to pause between words or short sentences to allow them time to process what you are saying. The “learn as you go” method. Especially with teenagers and young adults. Now, at the age of 29, it’s probably a writer again. You won’t find it on any of the national sites. He does spend most of his time alone and is happy to do so, although when he does have one friend from his elementary school days come visit he seems to light up. 204-215. Perdonally I dont know but this was a great help. Woah, your 7-year-old has a book published?? Thank you kindly! Thanks for the comment! he was diagnosed with Asperger’s 4 years ago. I wish people would stop perpetuating such rubbish. So thank you very much for this article as its very informative for everyone and is really well written so that people can understand what you are talking about, while not sounding like a lecture or parliamentry speech, and can learn from what you have written so that they can pass it on to others. People can throw phrases like ‘special needs’ or ‘learning difficulties’ around as much as they want, but autistic people can be bloody good at stuff. My comment was intended for the initial comment by ingeding. I hope he gets a strong succession of more understanding teachers in the rest of his school life- and in the meantime, I hope these tips help him a little. He has no idea how above-and-beyond amazing he is (other than the normal amount of ‘amazing’ that we tell him he is – like any other parents do)… but if he only knew!!! , The diagnosis process has not progressed. So this professional psychologist wrote down “slightly odd personality” on his form and that’s where it ended. If the bullying article I uploaded last week can help him, I hope it does. Thank you so much iv read all of it, I’m going to show my son it after school. ss_form.domain = 'app-EF1Z8RU6.marketingautomation.services'; That’s entirely how we are enabled to succeed- and I’m very glad you’ve been able to find that kind of environment for yourself. Thanks for the reply. I am just wondering about your opinion on when I should tell my son he has Asperger’s – so far it is not a conversation we have had, nearing the end of grade one. Tips for communicating with the autistic patient. I don’t mind in the least- people like your son are who this article was written for! I have read so much literature to help my Aspie daughter. They are your best resource for your patient. I have just read this at the recommendation of a friend. And then I was taken to one side by an adult, and ordered to use my hands, because that’s what goalkeepers are supposed to do. He is 9 now but I would hope this advice can help him in the transition to senior school. I’m glad you liked it. (A seemingly natural connection) He is a very passionate and devoted father and husband. I’ve just sent this article to him, Thank you. I would like to have a copy of this to give to my son one day down the road. If you need to go faster than other people, do it. Basically, be yourself but be aware that you might not always be right. His father died of a heart attack when he was 9 years old and he blamed his mom or actually wished it were her instead. Thank you for making it very clear to understand. Amazon UK | Amazon US | Amazon CA | Amazon AU
Thx for sharing and your advice was listened to lol…. Thanks again! I am mum to a 17 year old, slightly different, beautiful and bright teenage girl. Those ‘popular’ guys who seem to love hurting people? My son was diagnosed with ADHD and my daughter is non-verbal autisic. He has always struggled with depression, and anxiety because he just did not feel “normal” The more and more we consider Aspergers as a possibility for the struggles he has with things that seem easy or simply possible to other adults: staying on top of a schedule, making phone calls, meeting deadlines…basically anything that does not interest him, the more it explains the difficulties he has with these tasks. Hi. Glad you loved it. I’m a Mum and a therapist for lots of people with Aspergers and despite my training I refuse to see difference as ‘disorder’. What a fortunate young man to have you in his life, don’t ever forget that! My son is 11 yrs. I feel so deflated.. my heart breaks for my boy because he has asked me before if he has aspergers or autism I never know what to say once when he was 8 I said yes I bought books for his age to learn about it and his dad flipped on me… I feel like this is going to harm him more emotionally.. pls help me to talk to my son in a way to help him understand. 3 – Prioritize Rest. It does surprise me that he’s reached 14 without being told, but like you said (and like I said), it’s definitely better saved for a time when it’d be helpful. I’m just in the process of getting my son a diagnosis & reading this is so true of him but I would like to hope that he does know how much j love him I do tell him daily & we do have lots of cuddles ( not always at the best time but he beginning to understand when & then so he’s not pushed away) One major thing is this: if we get the chance to play to our strengths, boy can we play to our strengths. Thanks for reading. Above and beyond the normal emotional a Mom puts into a child,regarding day to day living. Are there 1000 students in your school? I just don’t know. for quirky people…. This is the best advice! Thankyou for this, my husband is an Aspie, he was not diagnosed until he was 24, mainly due to the same issues, not enough was known about it. Autism diagnosis, in itself, is quite complex due to the lack on clear medical tests (like blood sampling, MRI, etc) and practitioners need to heavily rely on strong behavioral symptoms across the various types of autism spectrum in order to confirm a positive diagnosis. Then do a job that only hardworking people can do. I have neither the organisational nor people skills required to be an effective leader in a business hierarchy. And I’m sorry that the quoted sentence prevented you from sharing the whole article. I’m so grateful to Anita for hosting this writing challenge and giving me the kick in the pants I needed to actually Do The Things. She also met other students at College who had Asperger’s Syndrome. I know that I use my hands only when I want to! . I have a son on the spectrum and he was diagnosed around the time you were. All rights reserved. The cyberbullying potential was real, even in the 90s, though it was more the risk of acute embarrassment (I know I’ve slandered that as a useless emotion elsewhere on here, but my teenage self didn’t realise that, and it’s still an emotion that’s difficult to fend off and causes serious lock-up even when you acknowledge its stupidity). You can’t just stick them all into the same category. She is finally starting to become more confident and reaching out to build friendships, so my concern in having her tested or seeking professional help is that I don’t want to tear down the progress we’ve made. God bless u. Wow, that’s a strong compliment! I don’t know how talk to him about his diagnosis. He is now 24 and stays with my parents (his mother lives across the street from my mom and dad) because he likes it there. – The Learning Curve, How To Avoid Stress As A Teenager With Mild Autism - Autism Resources Page, A brief guide to coping with being different - Autistic Not Weird, Why autistic people struggle with comfort zones, and what can be done about it - Autistic Not Weird, The labelling issue, by a ‘mildly autistic’ ‘high-functioning’ ‘person with Asperger Syndrome’ - Autistic Not Weird, Aut-Ish Podcast: Episode 3 – Growing Up with Autism – Aut-Ish, How to Help Teens with Autism with Organization Skills - Learning For A Purpose, Top 10 tips for autistic teenagers – Teacup Yorkie, Jenny Bristol | So, You Want to Learn About Autism (AKA a Resource List), Ten vital reasons to never, ever share an autism meltdown video, Dear perfectionists – it’s ok to do things imperfectly, Why Autism Awareness Month can be traumatising for autistic people. Really glad your own journey with autism/Asperger’s is turning into a positive one. On the other hand, though, I don’t want him to be resentful or feel that it was ‘hidden’ from him when the time comes that we do need to tell him. I can tell from your writing that you lov your guy very much and he is lucky to have you. It depends on the individual. They are also members of a private Autistic Not Weird Facebook group- genuinely the friendliest place I’ve ever seen on the internet- as well as recipients of various other perks and thank-yous.). Thanks for the comment! Meanwhile other people find us difficult to read, and that’s Our Fault too. Sooner rather than later! // ss_form.hidden = {'field_id': 'value'}; // Modify this for sending hidden variables, or overriding values This article you wrote, has given me serenity… as I worry about him navigating through Middle School, as all his ” differences” seem to be amplifying themselves, as he grows up. I’m a mum and I’m SO glad that another mum shared on FB. And as he approached middle school (5th-6th grade), he had developed the tools and knowledge that Asperger’s was so irrelevant in his life in my opinion, so it never seemed to matter to bring it up. But thanks! It’s often difficult to tell which one’s the right decision, and it’s probably different depending on each case. I’m glad your son can take care of himself and is strong enough to not care what others think of him. If you do choose to tell your friends, I hope it goes really well for you. I really enjoyed reading your perspective on how you felt growing up diagnosed with Aspergers. Edit- two months after uploading this, I wrote an article specifically devoted to bullying issues. Your email address will not be published. Sent! My son was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome when he was 7 years old, he is 11 going on 12 now. FWIW my biggest fear is losing track of #10. Not 100% of it has been perfect, but my life has been far richer because I’ve listened to them through the years. May I please have a printable version for my 12 year old daughter? As an Education Support Teacher and auntie to a ‘quirky’ teenager, it has given me some more insight into understanding those students who really struggle to fit into the mould society deems as ‘normal’.